Showing posts with label new york jets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label new york jets. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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The Denver Broncos have fired head coach Josh McDaniels now that the team is 3-9 on the season.  That's step one.  Now for step two: apply to have the Broncos reinstated as a pro football team.


The much hyped showdown in the AFC East between the Patriots and the Jets fizzled last night.  New England beat New York 45-3.  Apparently the Jets' engines were built by Qantas.


Some of the college football bowl matchups are a bit disappointing.  For instance, the Nebraska Cornhuskers will play the Washington Huskies on December 30th.  Nebraska whipped Washington earlier in the season and will play them again next September.  I think they're calling this one the Deja Vu Bowl.


Good news yesterday for shortstop Derek Jeter.  The Yankees offered him a 51 million dollar contract...and President Obama agreed to extend his tax cut.


A woman in Anniston, Alabama, has been arrested for stealing 222 books from the local library.  Well, it's been getting unseasonably chilly in Alabama at night and the poor woman was out of firewood.


Jane Fonda has released her new workout DVD.  And if you're as old as Jane Fonda,  the workout consists of trying to peel the security label off the DVD box. 


In Jane's video,  she gets you working out with weights.  She calls the exercise "Barbellella".


Jane Fonda says she would like to have a role in a TV series.  Apparently she was inspired while watching a rerun of the The Waltons' episode where Grandma has a stroke and she thought, "I can do that!"


Sunday night, on another episode of "Sarah Palin's Alaska", Sarah and her father were in the   wilderness hunting big game.  On Monday morning, Santa Claus filed a missing reindeer report.




Actor Kelsey Grammer, who is 55, is engaged to 29-year old Kayte Walsh.  Talk about robbing the cradle.  I hear that after sex, Kayte claps her hands and says, "Aw done!  Aw done!"




Kelsey's 55 and Kayte's 29.   For a wedding gift, I'm sending them a night light.  She's afraid of the dark and he gets up 3 times to pee.




........thanks for playing along!




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Monday, October 11, 2010

Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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How about Brett Favre? Apparently, when he was with the New York Jets a couple of seasons ago, he sent naked photos of himself to one of the Jets' female employees.  You could tell it was Brett.  He had a W stitched into each butt cheek.


Apparently Favre sent racy photos and text messages to the woman in hopes of impressing her.  I guess this time he was actually hoping to get sacked.



Turns out that in August, when those three Vikings teammates flew into Mississippi to bring Favre back to Minnesota, they were actually trying to rescue him from his wife.


Rap artist Eminen claims that he never swears at home.  Have you seen his schedule lately?  He's never at home.


The Social Network was the big box office attraction for the 2nd weekend in a row.  I'm surprised anybody could sit in a theater for two hours without turning on their phones to check Facebook.




The Social Network brought in 15 million dollars over the weekend.  Let's see...at today's ticket prices...actually, about 42 people saw the film.


Rudy Guiliani has been in California to campaign for Republican gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman.  Rudy and Meg also got together to exchange names of illegal domestic help.


In his campaign speech in California, Rudy told everyone how he helped the people of San Francisco pull together and rebuild after the 1906 earthquake. 


A study claims that obesity is costing businesses 73 billion dollars a year.  Most of that is spent on installing larger computer monitors so employees can roll their chairs farther away from their desks and still see the screen.























Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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At the Alaska Zoo in Anchorage, a 5 year old boy won the annual Moose Calling contest.  His moose call was so authentic that Sarah Palin shot him.


Oprah Winfrey announced on her show Monday that she is taking the entire audience on a trip to Australia.  Oprah said this would be a whole lot cheaper than taking them to Disney World.


Fidel Castro told a magazine reporter that Nicolas Sarkozy, the president of France, is crazy.  He then went on to say that if President Kennedy doesn't back down, Khruschev will be forced to use nuclear weapons against the United States.




They're claiming that one of the dresses Lady GaGa wore at the VMAs Sunday night was actually made out of raw meat.  So that's why I'm hearing those American Beef Council commercials with Sam Elliot saying, "GaGa.  It's what's for dinner."


Ines Sainz, a female TV reporter covering last night's New York Jets game is claiming that she was harassed by the Jets' players and coaches.  One of her complaints was that during drills, footballs were thrown so close to her that they were dropping at her feet.  The Jets' receivers are claiming the same thing happens to them.



Last night, after Baltimore's victory over the Jets, Ravens' players said, "We were close to them the whole game, but we sure didn't feel harassed."



Ms. Sainz says she has accepted an apology from New York Jets president Woody Johnson.  She also noted that every team she covers seems to have a Woody.