Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

Wyoming leads the country in the use of chewing tobacco.  There's a reason for that.  Out in Wyoming, you can spit farther.


West Virginia came in second in the nation's consumption of chewing tobacco.  If you spit anywhere in West Virginia, chances are good you'll hit your cousin.





Minnesota's U.S. representative Michele Bachman is claiming that President Obama's upcoming trip to India is going to cost us $200,000,000  a day.  By the way, Michele Bachman has a new stress management video.  She teaches you to relax and focus on something calm and serene, like a quiet ocean without so much as a ripple.  It's a DVD of her brain wave activity.


Daylight Saving Time is over this weekend.  Saturday night we set our clocks back, which means Charlie Sheen has an extra hour to stay up on crack cocaine.




The failure to legalize marijuana in California didn't change anything.  Convenience store sales of munchies are just as high as ever.


Ryan O'Neal and his daughter, Tatum, will appear in their own reality TV series.  It's called, "I'll Smoke It If You Will".




Former teen idol and  Partirdge Family star David Cassidy was arrested in Florida for DUI.  I guess when a 60-year old man wearing a paisley shirt is weaving all over the road in a psychedelic bus, he's bound to attract attention.


Now that the Republicans are taking control of the House of Representatives,  Nancy Pelosi says she will run for minority leader.   In our Congress, stepping down as Speaker of the House and becoming minority leader is like the Madam of a brothel getting demoted to Chief Whore.




......and thanks for reading


















 

Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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Today is Election Day 2010.  I've got a few jokes for you here and you can find plenty more today on your ballot as well as on Fox News.

The Minnesota Vikings announced yesterday that they are waiving receiver Randy Moss.   The White House announced that it considers this a Republican ploy to raise the unemployment numbers just before the election.

Hiring Randy Moss wasn't the worst thing Minnesota has done.  Remember, this is the state that gave Congress Michele Bachman.

Better Homes and Gardens is anxiously awaiting election results in California.  If Prop 19 passes, they're immediately going to press with a special issue on tips for growing marijuana in your own back yard.

The Farmers Almanac is already giving advice on the best moon phase for planting marijuana. 


Last night, the San Francisco Giants won the World Series, or as it was called. the Nobody in the World Watched Series.


The World Series went by so fast, it reminded Conan O'Brien of his time as host of The Tonight Show.

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Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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Last week, the Minnesota Vikings fined star receiver Randy Moss $25,000 for making himself unavailable to the media.   I'd be willing to give Sarah Palin $25,000 to make herself unavailable to the media.


Sarah Palin says she might run for president in 2012 "if there's nobody else to do it".  You know, like if Abraham Lincoln's not available.

Last night on Fox News with Greta Von Sustern, Sarah Palin sharply criticized the current state of journalism.   Of course she was in pretty safe company making her remarks on Fox, where there are no journalists.

Sarah Palin says that her new show on TLC documents Alaska and it is not a reality series.  As a matter of fact, any series that requires Sarah Palin to speak could not be considered reality. 

On Saturday, Daily Show's Jon Stewart was in Washington to host his Rally to Restore Sanity.  It obviously had no effect on Charlie Sheen.

The San Francisco Giants beat the Texas Rangers last night to take a 3 -1 lead in the World Series.  The Giants can finish the series in five games.  Over at NBC, Jimmy Smits only needed four to finish his series, "Outlaw".

Former President George W. Bush was at the game to throw out the first pitch.  He also declared that the Rangers had weapons of mass destruction, but as usual, he was wrong. 

Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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How about Brett Favre? Apparently, when he was with the New York Jets a couple of seasons ago, he sent naked photos of himself to one of the Jets' female employees.  You could tell it was Brett.  He had a W stitched into each butt cheek.


Apparently Favre sent racy photos and text messages to the woman in hopes of impressing her.  I guess this time he was actually hoping to get sacked.

Turns out that in August, when those three Vikings teammates flew into Mississippi to bring Favre back to Minnesota, they were actually trying to rescue him from his wife.

Rap artist Eminen claims that he never swears at home.  Have you seen his schedule lately?  He's never at home.

The Social Network was the big box office attraction for the 2nd weekend in a row.  I'm surprised anybody could sit in a theater for two hours without turning on their phones to check Facebook.




The Social Network brought in 15 million dollars over the weekend.  Let's see...at today's ticket prices...actually, about 42 people saw the film.


Rudy Guiliani has been in California to campaign for Republican gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman.  Rudy and Meg also got together to exchange names of illegal domestic help.


In his campaign speech in California, Rudy told everyone how he helped the people of San Francisco pull together and rebuild after the 1906 earthquake. 


A study claims that obesity is costing businesses 73 billion dollars a year.  Most of that is spent on installing larger computer monitors so employees can roll their chairs farther away from their desks and still see the screen.