Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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Police in Portland, Oregon stopped Lions' defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh for speeding Thursday afternoon.  I'm not sure how fast Suh was going, but he'd just left Detroit on Thursday morning.


Police also gave Suh a ticket for not carrying proof of insurance.  The Catholic Church gave Rick Santorum a medal for the same thing.




Daylight Saving Time began yesterday.  We set our clocks ahead one hour and Ron Paul changed the batteries in his hearing aid.


Peyton Manning spent over six hours yesterday in meetings with the Arizona Cardinals.  During the first three hours the Cardinals were on the phone to the governor's mansion assuring Jan Brewer that Peyton wasn't entering the state illegally. 


In Colorado, the results of a billboard poll show that 60% of Denver Broncos fans favor quarterback Tim Tebow over Peyton Manning.  Drivers voted by tapping their car horns when they passed a billboard that said "Honk if you love Tebow".


England's Prince Harry sat down for an interview with CBS.  He says he wants people to know how normal he is.  As a matter of fact, he plans to change his name to The Normal Guy Formerly Known As Prince.


How normal can you be when Elton John sees you and curtsies?


It's pretty hard to be normal when you find out as a child that the Wicked Queen in all those fairy tales is your grandmother.


Larry King will return to TV later this year with a new daytime talk show.  He's scheduled between Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz.  Not their shows, just between them in case he requires medical attention.




Larry's 78 years old.  His biggest problem now is that his dentures slip and he keeps interrupting himself.




.........thanks for reading!

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Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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You've probably seen that photo on all those gossip shows of Arnold Schwarzenegger, puffing on that big cigar .  By the way, the wrapper said,  It Was A Boy!

The Arnold story has been all over the news this week.  Boy, when he says, "I'll be back!", he means it. 

Why do they keep referring to his son as a "love child"?  Isn't he more like a "Passion Prince"?

Oprah has taped her final talk show.  Audience members were told to look under their seats where they found a roll of duct tape to put over their mouths so we don't have to listen to all that infernal screaming.

Oprah says she's going to reveal her favorite guest of all time.  I figure, at one guest a day, five times a week,  52 weeks a year for 25 years...that's about  6500 guests.  Which means Oprah is going to tell us who her favorite is...and piss off 6,499 other guests.


Somewhere, Johnny Carson is going, "What's all the fuss?"


In a special televised address this morning, President Obama revealed his new foreign policy toward North Africa.  The president said that North Africa is so damn close to home he can hardly call it foreign. 


Al Qaeda has released another Osama bin Laden audiotape, made just days before his death.  Most of it's unintelligible because it was made in a basement with Bob Dylan and The Band.  


Ron Paul says he's running for president.  He's in favor of legalizing prostitution.  In other words, if Ron Paul becomes president, we'll have to start paying the government to screw us. 




Mitt Romney has raised $10 million for his campaign in just eight hours.  That's a buck a piece from each member of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.


A woman in England says she is allergic to electricity.  You can't tell her the power bill is nothing to sneeze at.




A woman in California has been charged with injecting her 8-year old daughter with Botox.   She could have gotten the same results by letting the kid feed her face at McDonalds.


....thanks for reading!

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