Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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On Monday, Jay Leno used a St. Patrick's Day joke to refer to NBC executives as snakes. Of course, St. Patrick is well known for driving snakes out of Ireland....and Jay Leno is well known for driving an Irishman out of the Tonight Show.

President Obama is in Jerusalem.  The president didn't expect a lot of warmth from Prime Minister Netanyahu, but he's a little disappointed that the citizens didn't provide him with a donkey and lay palms at his feet.

I'm not saying that the president is arrogant, but someone had to tell him that "Shalom" does not mean the same thing as "Hosanna!"

No word on whether or not the White House Easter Egg Roll is still on.  It's scheduled for April 1st, so all the president really has to do is what he's good at....wait until that day and then holler, "April Fool!"

It was announced today that federal meat inspectors will not be furloughed.  Just when tofu producers thought they were going to corner the market.

Joe Biden addressed members of Congress regarding gun control and told them to "show courage".  His speech writer advised him to say that instead of what Joe wanted to say..."Make my day!" 

Can't you just picture Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry telling some punk with a gun, "Show courage."?

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Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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Former president George W. Bush's book, Decision Points, sold 220,000 copies on its first day.  Now the curator of the George W. Bush Library is trying to decide what to do with 220,000 copies of Decision Points.

Regarding his legacy, George Bush says he hopes he will be judged a success, but that "I'll be dead when they figure it out".  Sounds to me he plans to live forever.

Did you hear that the FDA wants to put images of diseased lungs on packs of cigarettes?  So what's next?  Putting fake vomit on a case of beer?

One of the FDA's proposals to deter smokers is to put pictures of ravaged corpses on cigarette packages.  To deter drinkers, they want whiskey bottles to bear images of the skanky whore you could wake up next to on the morning after. 

In Oklahoma, two sisters who play on their school's golf team, each recorded a hole-in-one on the same round.  They were even with the same caddy in the same clump of bushes.

Archeologists say that Neanderthals led very active sex lives.  They reached this conclusion after finding a fossilized beret and a fossilized blue dress with a fossilized stain under a fossilized desk in what appears to be the fossilized oval office of a Neanderthal leader.

A new study claims that one in ten school aged children have ADHD.   The numbers could be higher, but researchers could only get one in ten kids to sit still long enough to talk to them.

The Defense Department says that lifting the ban on gays serving openly in the military would have little effect on war efforts.  Unless, of course, it's the war on gays serving openly in the military.

Singer Pink announced that she's expecting her first child.  Pink says if the baby's a boy, she may consider changing her name to Blue.

Conan O'Brien's ratings went sky high on Monday night.  Now they've dropped by two thirds.  As a matter of fact, Jay Leno called TBS and said, "Forget it.  I don't want to take over Conan's time slot after all."

Jokes for Thursday March 4 by Wendel Potter

The head of the Russian Olympic Committee has resigned after Russia's lackluster showing at Vancouver.  It was either resign or be fired, which would still be better than the old days in Russia when you weren't fired, you were fired on.




New York Governor David Paterson is being accused of breaking ethics laws by obtaining free Yankee tickets for the 2009 World Series.  It was also reported that Paterson was disruptive at the game by repeatedly hollering, "You missed that by a mile, Ump...what's the matter..are you freakin' blind?"






It's been reported that Sarah Palin is working on a new book.  There's also talk of a reality TV show in her future as well as a movie deal.  Good for her.  Hopefully that will keep her busy well past 2012.



Sarah Palin says the book she's currently writing will be a "celebration of American virtues".   Sarah's daughter, Bristol, is helping her mother with this book on virtue.  She proofreads the manuscript every afternoon when her bastard child goes down for a nap.



On Tuesday, Sarah Palin performed a stand up comedy routine on Jay Leno's show.  It was a revelation for thousands of skilled comedians who continue to wait for their first big break on the Tonight Show:  first, you attend five colleges, then you get into sportscasting, then you get yourself elected as councilman, mayor, and finally governor, then engage in a losing, half-assed presidential campaign that involves buying lots of new clothes, free plane rides for the kids, and futile attempts at dodging questions from Katie Couric (that bitch!), then quit your job as governor so you can spend more time with your snarky family, then write a 400 page load of crap you call a memoir, become a correspondent for FOX News (a great breeding ground for clowns)then go back out and stump for the brain-dead ultra-conservative cause.........then....MAYBE THEN....Jay Leno will hire you.


Scientific research shows that methane gas is leaking through the Arctic Ocean floor and into the Earth's atmosphere.  Scientists say that this seepage of methane will wreak havoc with the entire world's climate.  There is an advantage however to having the atmosphere permeated with methane gas.  You'll be able to fart all you want and no one will know the difference.