Showing posts with label adhd. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adhd. Show all posts

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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Former president George W. Bush's book, Decision Points, sold 220,000 copies on its first day.  Now the curator of the George W. Bush Library is trying to decide what to do with 220,000 copies of Decision Points.


Regarding his legacy, George Bush says he hopes he will be judged a success, but that "I'll be dead when they figure it out".  Sounds to me he plans to live forever.


Did you hear that the FDA wants to put images of diseased lungs on packs of cigarettes?  So what's next?  Putting fake vomit on a case of beer?


One of the FDA's proposals to deter smokers is to put pictures of ravaged corpses on cigarette packages.  To deter drinkers, they want whiskey bottles to bear images of the skanky whore you could wake up next to on the morning after. 

In Oklahoma, two sisters who play on their school's golf team, each recorded a hole-in-one on the same round.  They were even with the same caddy in the same clump of bushes.


Archeologists say that Neanderthals led very active sex lives.  They reached this conclusion after finding a fossilized beret and a fossilized blue dress with a fossilized stain under a fossilized desk in what appears to be the fossilized oval office of a Neanderthal leader.


A new study claims that one in ten school aged children have ADHD.   The numbers could be higher, but researchers could only get one in ten kids to sit still long enough to talk to them.


The Defense Department says that lifting the ban on gays serving openly in the military would have little effect on war efforts.  Unless, of course, it's the war on gays serving openly in the military.


Singer Pink announced that she's expecting her first child.  Pink says if the baby's a boy, she may consider changing her name to Blue.


Conan O'Brien's ratings went sky high on Monday night.  Now they've dropped by two thirds.  As a matter of fact, Jay Leno called TBS and said, "Forget it.  I don't want to take over Conan's time slot after all."




Thursday, August 19, 2010

Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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President Obama says that Social Security is not in crisis.  Of course, by social security, he meant feeling comfortable at a party.



On the subject of building that mosque near Ground Zero, President Obama says he has no regrets for his remarks last week.....and will continue to have no regrets....until November of 2012. 



According to the New York Daily News, a poll shows that one in five Americans believe that Barack Obama is a Muslim.  In a separate poll, only one in ten believe that George W. Bush was actually a president.



The Screen Actors Guild will honor 93-year old Ernest Borgnine with its Lifetime Achievement  award.  The ceremony is planned for January which they hope will still be in Ernest's lifetime.



A beauty salon in Los Angeles has been accused of cheating celebrities, including actress Liv Tyler.  Good for Liv Tyler for speaking out.  It's surprising  there's any Hollywood celebrities who would admit to being cheated when it comes to beauty.



In Spain, a bull jumped over a wall at a bullring and ran through the stands, injuring 40 people.  In Washington, the bull runs wild in Congress and its the folks on the outside who end up getting hurt.



According to the U.N., eight million Pakistanis are in need of flood assistance.  And there's 300 million people in this country who are in over our heads and can't get any assistance.





A study shows that a pregnant woman's exposure to bug spray can result in her child being ADHD.
And ironically when children show signs of ADHD  you need the bug spray to stop them in their tracks.




In a related study,  it's been discovered that Ritalin makes a great insect repellant.