Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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Former president George W. Bush's book, Decision Points, sold 220,000 copies on its first day.  Now the curator of the George W. Bush Library is trying to decide what to do with 220,000 copies of Decision Points.

Regarding his legacy, George Bush says he hopes he will be judged a success, but that "I'll be dead when they figure it out".  Sounds to me he plans to live forever.

Did you hear that the FDA wants to put images of diseased lungs on packs of cigarettes?  So what's next?  Putting fake vomit on a case of beer?

One of the FDA's proposals to deter smokers is to put pictures of ravaged corpses on cigarette packages.  To deter drinkers, they want whiskey bottles to bear images of the skanky whore you could wake up next to on the morning after. 

In Oklahoma, two sisters who play on their school's golf team, each recorded a hole-in-one on the same round.  They were even with the same caddy in the same clump of bushes.

Archeologists say that Neanderthals led very active sex lives.  They reached this conclusion after finding a fossilized beret and a fossilized blue dress with a fossilized stain under a fossilized desk in what appears to be the fossilized oval office of a Neanderthal leader.

A new study claims that one in ten school aged children have ADHD.   The numbers could be higher, but researchers could only get one in ten kids to sit still long enough to talk to them.

The Defense Department says that lifting the ban on gays serving openly in the military would have little effect on war efforts.  Unless, of course, it's the war on gays serving openly in the military.

Singer Pink announced that she's expecting her first child.  Pink says if the baby's a boy, she may consider changing her name to Blue.

Conan O'Brien's ratings went sky high on Monday night.  Now they've dropped by two thirds.  As a matter of fact, Jay Leno called TBS and said, "Forget it.  I don't want to take over Conan's time slot after all."