Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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BP has named Robert Dudley, an American, to replace its chief executive Tony Hayward.  Dudley has recently been in charge of preventing leaks of U.S. War documents.

President Obama will tape a segment of The View tomorrow, which will be broadcast on Thursday.   The View has hired Shirley Sherrod to oversee the editing of the tape.

President Obama will be the first sitting president to appear on a daytime TV talk show.  I guess the president figured things can't turn sour if you're surrounded by Whoopi and Joy. 



All NFL locker rooms this year will display a poster that warns the players about the serious effects of head injuries.  The rule is that all players must sign off to indicate they have studied the poster and understand the pictures.





All teams are hanging the posters on each player's locker so he'll be sure to see it when he bashes his head into the door.

Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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Did everyone have a good 4th of July?  Where I live there were fireworks for a week.  I'd almost forgotten what it was like to have a boom in this country.

The Northeast section of the U.S. is hot and an entire week of triple digit temperatures is predicted.   Republican National Chairman Michael Steele calls it "Obama's weather".


Polls released over the weekend show that the American people are blaming our government just as much as they blame BP for the oil spill.  And Sarah Palin should blame the Russians just as much as she blames the political biographer next door for looking at her house.



You know when President Obama toured the Gulf recently he saw an oil-drenched duck that could barely walk.   And he was thinking, "two years from November that could be me".




Prince says that the Internet is over as far as he's concerned.  He's shut down his website and has banned YouTube and ITunes from using any of his music.  He's also changing the name of his new album, "20Ten", to "33-1/3".

A farmer in Egypt reports that his cow has given birth to a two-headed calf.  The farmer says he's naming the calf  "Moo Moo".



The farmer says the calf still can't stand up because of its heavy heads.  Fortunately,  Heidi Montag has agreed to work with the calf.

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Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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Laura Ling is paying tribute to Bill Clinton, who helped negotiate the reporter's release from a North Korean prison last year.  She's naming her new baby daughter after the former president.   At first everyone was confused.  They thought Laura was naming the kid Slick because she was born during the oil spill.

Why name the kid after Clinton?  Wasn't handing out cigars tribute enough?

The chief of British Petroleum said today that his company vows to clean up every drop of oil from the spill.  You know BP.  They really mean business.  They've already got a crew from Jiffy Lube on standby.

The British Petroleum CEO said BP plans to return the Gulf Coast to its original state...which I believe is France.


That oil slick is getting closer to Florida's beaches.  But not to worry.  BP has already promised to change the sand every 3 months or 3 million gallons, whichever comes first.


And it's being reported today that tar balls are appearing on Florida's shore.  They don't know yet if the tar balls are coming from the oil spill or from  residents of a nearby retirement community who forgot their Depends.


Robert L. McNeil, the man who, in 1955, introduced Tylenol as an alternative pain reliever, has passed away. According to family,  his epitaph will read:  Bob's not dead, he's just been recalled.


A bad call by an umpire spoiled a perfect game for Detroit Tigers' pitcher Armando Galarraga Wednesday night.  Face it, any time an umpire is involved in a game, it's not going to be perfect.


The LA Lakers dominated the Boston Celtics in the opening game of the NBA finals last night.  Notable Laker fan Jack Nicholson said, "It was like watching the game through rose-colored glasses."


The wife of baseball great Mark McGwire gave birth to triplets.  One more and it would have been a grand slam.

Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

Al-Qaeda has confirmed that its Number 3 official, Mustafa al-Yazid,  has died along with his entire family, in a U.S. missile strike.  Well, when you're Number 3, you die harder.


The NBA finals begin on Thursday.  This year the match up features the Los Angeles Lakers and the Boston Celtics.  That's a real surprise.  It's like getting excited over the next presidential election because it pits a Republican against a Democrat.


The Lakers are concerned about their center, Andrew Bynum.  They discovered a tear in his meniscus.  Gee, I didn't even know he was Jewish.


Today marks the first day of the 2010 hurricane season.  In the Gulf off Louisiana, British Petroleum has already rolled out the black carpet.


They say the oil leak in the Gulf is the worst in history.  As a matter of fact, the country hasn't seen this much slick since Bill Clinton was president.



Sarah Palin says she's against repealing the ban on gays in the military.  I don't know if Sarah Palin is qualified to speak on the subject.  She still thinks "Don't ask, don't tell" is the epitaph on the tomb of the Unknown Soldier.

Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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For years, Wendel Potter has brought his entertaining blend of humor, nostalgia, and American values to conventions, banquets, churches, and corporate functions.  If you would like to book Wendel to speak at your next event, contact him by email:  wendelspeaks@yahoo.com

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Willie Nelson has cut off his braids.  A celebrity hair cut hasn't caused this much of a stir since that episode of Bonanza when Hop Sing got his pigtail caught in the Cartwrights' Cuisinart.

According to Willie, he cut his hair because it was getting in his way.  He was mistaking his braids for hemp and trying to smoke them.

NASA's Atlantis program has come to an end.  The space shuttle has landed in Florida where it will be placed in a retirement community with a lot of other nice retired shuttles.

Federal forecasters are predicting a fierce hurricane season this year.  Up to 23 storms could hit the Gulf of Mexico.  They've already picked out a name for the first one:  Hurricane BP.


The house that inspired the book and movie, The Amityville Horror, is up for sale.  The asking price is 1.15 million dollars but they'll take a lower offer if you bring in a psychic who proves the house is still haunted.  That's what you call reaching a happy medium.

Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

The U.S. Post Office has issued a commemorative stamp with a picture of Katharine Hepburn.  It's difficult to stick it to an envelope because the stamp keeps shaking back and forth.

British Petroleum is now using a mile long tube to siphon the spilled oil in the Gulf.  If the Bushes had known about this method, we could have siphoned in all our oil from the Middle East and kept our troops at home.

Remember Joe the Plumber?  Well, in Lucas County, Ohio, Joe has won a seat on the local Republican Party committee.  Joe the Plumber should feel right at home.  His seat has its own stall.

Miss Michigan won the crown last night in the Miss USA pageant.  Her name is Rima Fakih.  She's an Arab-American.  Before Miss Fakih could accept her crown, she was detained and interrogated by Miss Arizona.

According to a study, the link between cell phone use and cancer is inconclusive.  However, it has been confirmed that people who talk on cell phones while driving have already suffered some form of brain damage.


The Cubs won yesterday.  They beat the Pirates.  But then, who couldn't beat a bunch of guys with eyepatches and peg legs?


The Supreme Court upheld a federal law that says the sexually dangerous must stay behind bars.  I don't know.  It seems that it's whenever Ben Roethlisberger gets anywhere near a bar that he's the most sexually dangerous. 

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Thanks for reading.  

Over the years, I have brought my humor, nostalgia, and sense of American values to conventions, banquets, churches, and corporate functions.  I would love to see you at your next event.  For booking inquiries, please contact me by email at:

wendelspeaks@yahoo.com

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