Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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What a week!  Those 33 Chilean miners were all rescued safely after being trapped for 69 days, subsisting on rationed food.  Actually, this was Chile TV's version of The Biggest Loser.

Already, I saw one of those miners on TV last night.  Raquel Welch was asking  him, "Who's that behind those Foster Grants?" 

Breaking news!  The rescuers just found out they have to go back in the mine!  They forgot the damn canary!



Bill O'Reilly was a guest on The View yesterday and made anti-Muslim remarks that caused hosts Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar to walk off the set.  Having Bill O'Reilly on the show is as close as The View will get to plugging Jackass 3D.

A Chinese economist is accusing the U.S. of trying to devalue the dollar.  Trying?  Devaluation of the dollar is an art form that we've perfected.

So the Chinese think the U.S. is attempting to devalue the dollar....that must be why all that junk the Chinese make for us is getting so expensive.

Newly improved airport scanners are capable of spotting the difference between a bottle of shampoo and a bomb.  The big give away is the label. One says "lather, rinse, repeat".  The other says "light fuse and get away".

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Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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BP has named Robert Dudley, an American, to replace its chief executive Tony Hayward.  Dudley has recently been in charge of preventing leaks of U.S. War documents.

President Obama will tape a segment of The View tomorrow, which will be broadcast on Thursday.   The View has hired Shirley Sherrod to oversee the editing of the tape.

President Obama will be the first sitting president to appear on a daytime TV talk show.  I guess the president figured things can't turn sour if you're surrounded by Whoopi and Joy. 



All NFL locker rooms this year will display a poster that warns the players about the serious effects of head injuries.  The rule is that all players must sign off to indicate they have studied the poster and understand the pictures.





All teams are hanging the posters on each player's locker so he'll be sure to see it when he bashes his head into the door.

Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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Well, millions of Americans could lose their jobless benefits if Congress doesn't act quickly to extend unemployment compensation.  An attempt to pass another extension has been slowed due to partisan conflicts in the Senate.  When a decision is made whether or not to extend the aid to America's unemployed, it will be announced live on ESPN.

Iran's women's soccer team might not compete in the 2010 Youth Olympics because their uniforms, which include the hejab--or headscarf--violates the dress code set forth by FIFA, the soccer governing body.  FIFA is trying to avoid a FCC fine in the event of a wardrobe malfunction.

Don Imus is in trouble again.  He referred to the Iranian women's soccer team as a bunch of hejab-headed hoes.

The Iranian men's soccer uniforms are fine.  Their problem is staying focused.  Every time they hear those vuvuzela horns, they leave the field and rush off to a mosque to pray.

Now that the World Cup is over I'm thinking that those vuvuzela horns weren't nearly as annoying as Mel Gibson's phone calls to his ex-girlfriend.


Have you heard those tapes of Mel's calls to Oksana?  He sounds like a panting, slobbering, raging maniac.  I guess he was using the new iPhone4 and it kept dropping his call. 



We knew it was really Mel spewing those death threats over the phone.  Verizon traced the tarballs to his house.

 


If BP has success with their new oil well cap, they're going to use one just like it to put over Mel Gibson's mouth.




The word this morning is that Mel Gibson is in therapy.  And he's already knocked out two of his therapist's teeth.



On ABC's The View this week, Whoopi Goldberg defended Mel Gibson, insisting he's not a racist.  She says if Mel's truly racist, his Passion of the Christ movie would have had Jesus killed by a pack of n*gg*rs.




The LA police might investigate this Mel-Oksana incident.  If he's charged with making death threats, he'll be put on probation and be forced to wear an ankle SCRAM bracelet that records the number of times he says the N-word.


Thanks for reading.  Please check out my columns at www.wendelpotter.com

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