Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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France has been warned of a possible Al Qaeda terror threat.  Great...just one more thing to make the French ruder than they already are.

The big box office winner over the weekend, bringing in 50 million dollars, was Jackass 3D.  Apparently every kid in the nation went to see it.   I guess the No Child Left Behind program is working.




Iran has been asked to participate in a high level discussion of Afghanistan's future.  That's kind of like appointing Paris Hilton as Lindsay Lohan's probation officer.


A Vermont man sued Burger King after he claimed he found a condom in his Whopper.  Shouldn't that be the other way around?




Burger King officials say they have no idea how it got in his sandwich, but it was not a real condom...it's their newly designed Mayonnaise packet.


Former NFL star Junior Seau has been accused of hitting his girlfriend during a verbal argument.  That's what they're calling it....a verbal argument. Unfortunately for his girlfriend,  Seau can only talk with his fists. 




It's Junior who's in the hospital.  After being arrested, he posted bail, was released, then drove his SUV off a cliff.  He got into a verbal argument with his GPS and slugged it.




President Obama is set to appear on the TV science show, Mythbusters.  He's going to try to bust Myth O'Donnell, Myth Whitman, Myth Bachman, Myth Angle and Myth Palin.

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Today's Monologue Jokes by Wendel Potter

According to his exit deal with NBC, Conan O'Brien cannot appear on TV until September 1st. That gives Carrot Top seven months to appear on TV without being mistaken for Conan.


This is the fifth straight day of rain in California. At least they're saying it's rain. Actually, it's tears falling from NBC executives as they write Conan a 40 million dollar check.


Burger King has unveiled its plan to open what they call a Whopper Bar next month in Miami. Patrons will be able to order a beer with their Whopper. I can see right now there's going to be a whole lot of super sizing going on.


According to an article in USA Today, a restaurant consultant named Linda Lipsky says that selling beer at Burger King makes sense. She says, "The Burger King customer is aging, so BK is just trying to grow up with the customer." And that's what aging customers need from Burger King...to be able to get hammered at 11 o'clock in the morning.


A judge ruled that Roman Polanski must return to the US for sentencing in his 32-year old child rape case. And while he's in California, Polanski will appear on the game show, "Are You Easier Than a 5th Grader?"