Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver have separated after 25 years of marriage.  He said, "I'll be back!" and she said, "Like hell you will!"

Donna Douglas, who played Elly May Clampett on the The Beverly Hillbillies television series, is suing Mattel for creating the Elly May Barbie doll in her likeness.  Ms. Douglas is now 77 years old.  Actually she could sue twice because the Granny Clampett doll looks like her, too.

President Obama has sent Donald Trump what he's been looking for....Osama bin Laden's death certificate in long form.


Osama bin Laden's sons have accused the United States of violating international law by killing an unarmed man. That's not true...he had both his arms.






Bin Laden's sons say the United States killed an unarmed man.   Bin Laden was a mastermind...so they shot him in the head...where he was armed.

Last night on Dancing With The Stars, it was revealed that Ralph Macchio was dancing hurt with a cyst behind his knee.  Oh come on, Ralph!  You've got Karina Smirnoff gyrating and rubbing up against you and the only lump you develop is behind your knee?

It looks like the big summer blockbuster movie is Thor....which happens to be one of the words King George had a problem with in last year's blockbuster, The King's Speech.

Hugh Hefner and his fiancee Crystal Harris have sent out invitations to their June 18th wedding.  Isn't it nice that an 85-year old man is confident enough to plan that far ahead?


Apparently, Hef's hearing is going south.  He's been asking his guests to bring plenty of Depends.  Crystal told him, "We're having a wedding, not a wetting!" 




Did you read about that elderly couple in California that got married?  She's 90 years old and he turned 100 on their wedding day.  They didn't actually tie the knot...they used velcro.


The Dallas Mavericks swept their series with L.A., knocking the Lakers out of chance to play in the NBA Championship finals.   Look on the bright side.  This gives the Staples Center a little extra time to get Jack Nicholson's courtside chair reupholstered before next season. 


..........all for now and thanks for reading!

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Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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Hugh Hefner got engaged over Christmas.  He's 84 and Crystal Harris, his fiance, is 23.  Wow!  What an engagement ring he gave her!  The only thing larger than the diamond is Hef's prostate.


Hugh Hefner's fiance is really young.  This year on Christmas, he broke the news of their engagement.  Next Christmas, he's going to break the news to her that there's no Santa Claus.


You might be wondering, what can someone that old have in common with someone that young?  For one thing, they're both at the age where they eat strained food.



Pat Robertson says he supports the legalization of marijuana.  Apparently he wants to be more like so many of his biblical heroes who were stoned to death.



Well, concert ticket sales were so bad this year that promoters are promising much cheaper concerts in 2011.  In the upcoming year, you will be able to see a top name concert without paying all those extra ticket fees, there'll be no charge for parking, no high priced concessions...it's called  DVD.


New York City was hit by a huge blizzard.  Everything was so white the street mimes had to perform in blackface.




New York City has 1700 snowplows and that's not counting Charlie Sheen and his silver spoon.




20 inches of snow fell in New York City.  Wall Street executives were laying in it, making snow devils.

The snow was really flying around at Radio City Music Hall.  The Rockettes were kicking their way to work.

..........thanks for stopping by!

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