Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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Wendel has brought his entertaining blend of humor, nostalgia, and American values to conventions, banquets, churches, and corporate functions.  If you would like to book Wendel to speak at your next event, contact him by email:  wendelspeaks@yahoo.com

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Arizona is threatening to cut off electricity to Los Angeles if LA continues its boycott.   Now that's pretty scary when your electricity comes from a state that's already in the dark.

Arizona is thinking about cutting off its own electricity this weekend.  They figure the Suns have a better shot at beating the Lakers if they play in the dark.

In Philadelphia,  Independence Hall was evacuated after a guard found a balloon filled with a white powder.   And earlier, that same guard found crack in the Liberty Bell.

Yesterday, while President Obama was speaking in the Rose Garden, a rodent scurried past the president's podium.  Obama was announcing the end of the Senate filibuster on his financial overhaul package.  The rodent turned out to be a Wall Street executive trying to flee a sinking ship.

I'm not sure why that rat got so much media coverage.  A rat in Washington is not news.


According to USA Today, the rate of jobless claims fell in 34 states.  Coincidentally, in those same states, the death rate among working age citizens is up.




Rand Paul said today that President Obama's criticism of British Petroleum is un-American.  Isn't criticism of the British the way we became Americans in the first place?

Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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Jennifer Aniston told People magazine that she does not eat baby food as part of her diet.  And when the interview was over,  Jennifer clapped her hands and said, "Aw done!  Aw done!"

Well, summer is just around the corner.  Suntan lotion sales are up in most parts of the country, except in Arizona, where bleach is the hot seller.

The City of Los Angeles has voted to boycott Arizona.  It's the first step toward removing Arizona  and Arizona State from the Pac 10.



Los Angeles is boycotting Arizona because of the immigration law that could lead to racial profiling.  And in related news, Rodney King continues to boycott Los Angeles.

A study claims that  people who drink caffeine at work make fewer on the job mistakes.  Mistakes still being made, however, include keyboards being damaged by jittery employees who knock over their cups of espresso.

The talk now is that Ben Roethlisberger's behavior might be the result of brain damage.  Later today, John Edwards will announce that he was dropped on his head as a child.


And Barbara Walters had surgery to replace a faulty heart valve and she is recovering nicely.  Her chief surgeon said that Barbara has a strong, healthy heartbeat and it sounds like this:  "Ba-BA-wa-wa...ba-BA-wa-wa...ba-BA- wa-wa".   



Of course if she flatlines it'll sound like this: 
Ba-BA-waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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Thanks for reading and enjoy the weekend.

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Today's Monologue Jokes for April 30, 2010

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Florida Governor Charlie Crist says he will run for the U.S. Senate as an Independent, not as a Republican.  This means that on the political map, Florida is no longer a Red State.  It's Mauve.



Speaking of political maps, Arizona has just been named a White State. 






USA Today says that in a poll taken,  39% are in favor of Arizona's immigration law....30% oppose it....and the other 31% are in an Arizona jail trying to prove their American citizenship.



Chelsea Clinton is getting married this summer.  She's asked her father to lose 15 pounds before the wedding. That should be pretty simple.  All Bill has to do is cut out just one of his late night trips to McDonald's after the rehearsal dinner.



Chelsea Clinton is marrying into a Jewish family.  There goes Bill's dream of hosting a wedding day pig roast.



Kate Gosselin's new book is a bust.  It was released on April 13th and it's only sold 10,000 copies.  Amazon.com now has it ranked at #862.  Apparently it's going to sit on the shelves so long that it'll   make its own dust jacket.

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