Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

Florida football coach Urban Meyer announced on Saturday that he was resigning due to health reasons. On Sunday, he announced that he was not resigning, he just needs time off. I think that's what you call Urban renewal.



Urban Meyer announced his resignation on Saturday and on Sunday he said he would return as Florida's head coach after all. Meyer is still learning. Brett Favre called and told him, "You should have waited way longer before you announced your comeback, dude!"



Indy quarterback Peyton Manning was unhappy about being yanked in the 3rd quarter yesterday, along with other key players, and ultimately losing to the New York Jets, dashing all hopes of a perfect season. But he respected Colts coach Jim Caldwell's decision and watched the rest of the game from the bench. Meanwhile, Brett Favre showed up on the sidelines and told Caldwell, "I'm going in."



President Obama visited a classroom of children during Christmas week and read The Polar Express. Then he explained how the Polar Express is really a metaphor for his chilly, rapidly declining approval ratings.



Britney Spears posted a "B.S." alert on her website, naming the top 75 most ridiculous stories printed about her during 2009. Next week, she'll post the ones that aren't true.



Archaeologists in Israel have unearthed the remains of a house in Nazareth, dating back to the time of Jesus. They think it may even be the house of Jesus himself. They found a letter from a Nazareth grammar school addressed to the parents of a student in the gifted program.



The Christmas week weather was nasty all over. Europe was even hit by bad weather. It was so cold in France you couldn't tell if everyone's faces were frozen or if they were just glaring rudely as usual.


Former President Jimmy Carter and his wife Rosalynn have been married for 63 years. He says that when he first asked her to marry him, she turned him down. Then she saw the size of his peanuts.


Over the holidays, Jon Gosselin's New York apartment was trashed. That would be by him living in it.


An Associated Press story reporting on Jon Gosselin's apartment break-in refers to Gosselin as a
"reality star". Wrong on both counts.


Charlie Sheen spent most of Christmas day in jail after being arrested following a domestic dispute with his wife. Charlie has a violent temper. Christmas at the Sheen house is known as "Two and A Half Trees".