Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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An earthquake was felt in Washington DC early this morning. The Democrats were concerned.  They weren't expecting a shake-up until November.

The Obamas are headed to Maine today for a short vacation.   President Obama plans to take a walk along the Maine shoreline and hopes a lighthouse will go off in his head.

BP has stopped the oil leak after 12 weeks.  They say the well's good for another 3 months or 3 millions gallons, whichever comes first.

Dick Cheney had heart surgery last week.  Doctors say the next step is a heart transplant.  But they'll never get a perfect match.  No donor has that black of a heart.

 

Linday Lohan has ordered a new license plate.  It'll say: I MDE THS MYSLF

As of yesterday, texting while driving is against the law in Nebraska.  So far, the only drivers pulled over were from out of state and they were all sending emergency texts....like, How the hell do I get out of Nebraska!


Bob Sheppard, the Voice of the Yankees, who served as the PA Announcer at Yankee Stadium for 57 years, was laid to rest yesterday and not one New York ball player showed up.  It was pretty disheartening for Bob's family to know that there were more Yankees at Robert E. Lee's funeral.

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Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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A 5.9 tremor hit southern California yesterday.  Actually they're not sure yet whether it was an earthquake or if NBA fans were just shrugging when they heard that the Lakers weren't on Lebron James' list.


Tonight, Lebron James announces his much awaited decision on which NBA team he will be joining next season.  New York is excited.  If Lebron chooses the Knicks, they're going to drop a huge basketball in Times Square.

The Knicks have been so lousy lately, when they heard the forecast that the heat was hitting town this week, they said "Here's another one we're going to lose to Miami."

Linsday Lohan is going to jail.  She says she's going to make constructive use of her time there. She's going to concentrate on developing a new line of fingernail polish called  "F-Bomb".

Lindsay's product slogan will be, "Let your finger do the talking". 



Those 10 Russian spy suspects are expected to plead guilty today, which means they will then be sent back to Russia in exchange for a scientist who has been accused of spying for the West.  That's an interesting exchange: 10 for 1.  We tried to make it 11 for 1 but Russia didn't want Yakov Smirnoff back. 

According to BP, the oil leak in the Gulf could be stopped this month.  The new plan is to send Joran Vandersloot down to stick his finger in the hole and keep it there the rest of his life.





The Emmy nominations have been announced for this year.  Once again they didn't include my favorite TV pick:  the Off Button.

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My columns appear on www.wendelpotter.com