Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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A small religious college in Indiana will no longer sing the National Anthem before sporting events because the school considers the lyrics are violent. Instead, they'll sing the school fight song and holler the team battle cry just before their football coach sends their players on the field to "Hit 'em! Hit 'em hard!" and "Tear their effin' heads off!"

 

Astronomers reported  that they'd discovered a new planet that appeared to be composed of diamonds...then they realized their telescopes were trained on Kim Kardashian's ring finger.

 

A new study concludes that by the year 2030, half of America's adults will be obese.  That's providing that half of today's fat kids live until 2030. 

 

This late-breaking bulletin: For those in the path of the hurricane, Irene has weakened to a Category 2.  For David Letterman, Fatwa has been upgraded to a Category 6.

 

With the hurricane threat looming, New York City may shut down its massive transit system.....which should cut the spread of communicable diseases by at least half.

 

A prisoner who has been freed from a notorious Libyan prison after seven years can be seen on a news video released today, holding a rifle in the air and shouting, "We gonna catch you, Gadaffi!"  Or maybe that was a clip from Rambo V?  

 

Two LSU football players will turn themselves in to the police to face second-degree battery charges.  In Louisiana, that means they were stealing dead batteries from junk cars.......

 

.....and right off people's front lawns!

 

 

When the two football players were advised by University officials to turn themselves in to the police, one of them said, "I call dibs on being Sting!"

 

 

......just remember, Dave and I are the only ones not in reruns this week........thanks for reading

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