Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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 DEBT CRISIS FREEFALL

"This is as high as the debt ceiling goes and there's no deal in sight.  What do we do now, Joe?"

"I don't know, Mr. President, but I can see Sarah Palin's house from here!"

Roger Clemens' perjury trial is winding up the jury selection process.  Clemens has insisted that he never took steroids, only vitamin shots, and he's sticking to that story.  He's already referring to the jury as the B12.

 

Clemens will be tried by a jury of his peers.....in other words,  a dozen pumped up lying baseball players.

 

The jury selection is nearly completed.  This trial will be a little different.  Instead of a verdict, the jury will deliver the box score.

 

This morning the court took a short recess or as the judge called it, a 7th inning stretch.

 

TBS is reviving the "Dallas" TV series.  Larry Hagman will return as J.R. Ewing.  Larry's getting old and a little confused.   In one scene, he rubs an oil well and waits for a genie to pop out.

Things won't be the same on "Dallas."  For instance, in the original series, J.R. Ewing was a womanizing oil man.  But in the new version, he's a lot older.  He needs Viagra to get his derrick to stand up.

 

China says that the United States spends far too much money on our military.  The Chinese are just mad because they lost our gun and ammo contract to Mexico.

Jessica Simpson's fiance gave her a $15,000 handbag for her birthday.  Lindsay Lohan said, "Wow, think of all the necklaces you can stuff in there at the mall!"

Ford Motors is supporting a ban on using cell phones while driving.  They much prefer motorists pull off to the side of the road before calling Ford with a complaint about the piece of crap they just bought.

.............thanks for reading!

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