Thursday, April 29, 2010

Today's Monologue Jokes by Wendel Potter

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Sandra Bullock made two announcements yesterday:  she's adopted a 3-month old son and she filed for divorce.   So she's keeping one baby and getting rid of the other.




In her new memoir, former First Lady Laura Bush admonishes her husband's political adversaries who resorted to calling him names....apparently names he didn't deserve, like "Mr. President" and "Chief Executive" and "world leader".



Laura Bush says her husband should not be criticized for his flyover of New Orleans following Hurricane Katrina.  She said he didn't land because he was afraid he and his entourage would only get in the way.....plus the fact there was no aircraft carrier and  he forgot his flight suit.





Mrs. Bush revealed that in the days when her husband was drinking,  he was "a bore", and he hasn't had a drink since he was 40.  Well, at least he gave up the drinking.





There was a bomb scare at the University of Southern California yesterday.  School officials discovered a suspicious looking package in the campus library.   It's safe to assume the package didn't contain book returns from a football player.






Joan Rivers is beginning a new season of "How Did You Get So Rich?" for TVLand.  Joan says she's happy to be working...that the worst thing in your life is an empty calendar.  At Joan's age, a calendar only serves as a reminder that your days are numbered.









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