Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Today's Monologue Jokes by Wendel Potter

Mother Teresa’s picture will appear on a U.S. postage stamp next year. I don’t know about you, but I’d feel a little uncomfortable licking the back of a nun’s head.


Katharine Hepburn will also be featured on a postage stamp. The only problem is when you try to lick it, her head shakes.


President Obama says there is a "systemic failure" in U.S. intelligence. It starts at birth.


The suspected Nigerian terrorist who tried to blow up a Delta/Northwest airliner on Christmas had three ounces of high explosives in his underwear. That wouldn't have been unusual if he'd just eaten at a Taco Bell.


A Christmas day bomber...Jon Gosselin's apartment is trashed...Charlie Sheen arrested for domestic violence.....now maybe Tiger Woods can finally relax and play some golf.


Britney Spears has two fragrances among the top ten best selling celebrity perfumes. The scents are Curious and Fantasy. You can mix them together and make one Britney Spears fragrance. It's called BiPolar.


Texas Tech has suspended head football coach Mike Leach after complaints surfaced that he abused one of his players who had suffered a mild concussion. Allegedly, Leach made the player stand in a small dark shed while the others practiced. The University says that Leach will not be allowed to coach in Tech's bowl game on Saturday. Leach has sought a restraining order to reinstate him by game time. This is really a weird story and it's not over. Now the University says that if it is ordered to let Leach coach in the bowl game, it will comply....but Leach will have to do his coaching from a maintenance closet under the stadium.









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