Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

Time Warner cable subscribers in LA and New York may not get to see some of their favorite programs this week because of a dispute Time is having with Fox. Apparently Fox is now demanding fees to broadcast its network's programs, such as The Simpsons. So Time Warner told Fox, "Eat my shorts."


An estimated one million people will gather to watch the Times Square ball drop tonight at midnight. One million people on New Years Eve and the only designated driver is Dick Clark.



Tonight will be so much better than last New Year's Eve, when we sat around until midnight and watched my 401k drop.


It was 80 years ago tonight that Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians first played Auld Lang Syne on New Year's Eve. Now, 80 years later, I still haven't bothered to find out what "auld lang syne" means.


Rush Limbaugh was taken to a hospital in Hawaii yesterday after suffering chest pains. Suspecting it was Limbaugh's heart, the doctor examined him but couldn't find anything, so he told Rush that maybe he should go see the Wizard.



Rush Limbaugh called Glenn Beck from his room at a Honolulu hospital. He told Beck, "Well, we're screwed. They wheeled me past the nursery and there's a plaque in there that says, "Barack Obama Slept Here".



248,000 pounds of beef were recalled on Christmas Eve after an E coli outbreak and now they think the problem with the beef is that it was tenderized mechanically. A spokesman for the Oklahoma-based beef distributor said, "Of course it was tenderized mechanically. It came from mechanical bulls."



AT&T has dropped it's sponsorship agreement with Tiger Woods. In other words, Tiger has lost AT&T because of T&A.