Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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A new census report shows that women outnumber men 5 million to 1.  So guys...don't come whining to me that you can't find a girl friend!

Harold Camplin, the nutjob evangelist who predicted the world would end last week now says his calculations were off.   That's three times now.  The other two times...well, once in 1994 when he said the world would end and then in 2003 when he told George Bush that Sadaam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction.

Camplin says the world will now end on October 21st.  So WalMart has been rushing to get its Halloween merchandise on the shelves.

Camplin's followers who actually believed the world would end on May 21st sunk hundreds of thousands of dollars...their entire life savings, for crying out loud...into public advertisements that warned sinners that Judgment Day was coming.  Wouldn't it have been cheaper and more Christian just to buy some poor starving sinner their last sandwich?

A new study says that Americans gain weight because they don't get enough physical activity on the job.  Especially if they have a job where they sit behind a desk all day conducting new studies.




Starbucks is raising its packaged coffee prices 17%.  Who needs their coffee?  Just look at the new prices...that'll wake you up!


Oprah's final show aired yesterday.  Oprah's so powerful that the last day of the week is now officially Wednesday. 


According to the Huffington Post, former Vice President Dick Cheney says that he "worships the ground Paul Ryan walks on".  Obviously then, Paul Ryan must walk on ground saturated with big oil.


Sarah Palin has announced a Memorial Day weekend bus tour of historical sites.  Sarah says the tour is aimed at educating Americans about our founding principles.  Because she thinks this country's founders traveled by bus.


So the point of Sarah Palin's bus tour is to educate this country's citizens about our founding principles.  The tour begins Friday in Edmonton, Alberta...stretches east to Winnipeg on Saturday, Ottawa on Sunday, and ends up on Memorial Day in Toronto. 


......thanks for stopping by!

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Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner  told the BBC News on Thursday that "the world cannot depend on the United States as much as it did in the past."  Then he added, "And that goes especially for Americans."



The flag that Custer flew during his "Last Stand" is up for auction.  I guess General McChrystal had no further use for it.





Kellogg's has recalled millions of boxes of cereal because of a bad odor and taste that could make people sick.  Kelloggs admitted that it just wasn't a good idea to put free commemorative tarballs inside a cereal box.



When asked to describe the odor and taste of the recalled cereals, a Kelloggs spokesman said, "Think of All Bran in its most digested form".





Some breakfast cereal lovers were surprised by the sudden recall.  They said Apple Jacks have always smelled and tasted badly.



The FDA says that airline food is often prepared in unsafe and unsanitary conditions.  Unfortunately, the FDA has no jurisdiction over what goes on in French airspace.





The FDA's report says that airline food can cause illness.  It's called Ecoli lag.



A man in Fairbanks, Alaska, chased a census worker off his property with a bulldozer.  The census bureau says nothing like this has ever happened before.  Ordinarily in Alaska, they shoot at census workers from a helicopter.