Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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President Obama is vacationing in Hawaii this week.  Yesterday he went snorkeling.  Not to worry, secret service agents were nearby.  You could tell they were secret service because they were wearing dark wetsuits with neckties and sunglasses.




Yesterday, the president went snorkeling so today Glenn Beck is trying to trace Obama's roots  to a species of Islamic fish.

Christine O'Donnell is being investigated for the misuse of campaign funds.  Some of her former aides are claiming that she used some of the contributions for food....if you consider eye of newt and toe of frog to be food.

I think the ones who really misused the funds are the idiots who gave her the money in the first place, thinking she might win.


Republican Lisa Murkowski has finally been certified as the winner in Alaska's hotly contested U.S. Senate race.  It took this long because now that Bristol Palin is moving to Arizona, they had to decide whether her vote for Joe Miller actually counted.




Back at campaign headquarters, Murkowski's supporters are ready to celebrate, but they're trying to decide whether the 8-week old deli tray is still fit to eat.




Jobless claims are at the lowest level in two years.  It's not that more people have jobs now...it's just that the ones out of work figure there's no point in complaining about it.


Kelsey Grammer is so eager to get married, he's trying to persuade a judge to speed up his divorce.  After Kelsey's last two TV series flopped , he doesn't think anything should take more than 13 weeks.


Boston Celtics forward Kevin Garnett will sit out the next two weeks with a strained calf.  You know, when I read that I wasn't sure if he was being sidelined from basketball or Farmville. 


Kansas State and Syracuse squared off this afternoon in the Pinstripe Bowl.  It's being played at Yankee Stadium.  The winners get a trophy...the losers have to plow New York's streets.


Paula Abdul told CBS's Julie Chen in an interview, "I have a brain!"  Then she held up the jar she keeps it in.




The oldest daughter in the singing Von Trapp family, made famous in "The Sound of Music", has passed away at the age of 97.  I guess her hills are no longer alive.




....and with that I'll stop right there.  Thanks for reading!

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