Monday, August 2, 2010

Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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In Vienna, firefighters dismantled an automobile to rescue a cat that was trapped inside under the hood.  The guy who owns the car is furious.  He said, "It sounds terrible now. Before they tore it apart, it purred like a kitten."



Lindsay Lohan was released from jail at 1:30 this morning. There was no celebration.  The bars were already closed.


Prison officials are demanding restitution from Lindsay for the 13 notches she carved in the wall.




Lindsay was released early because of prison overcrowding.  It's tough getting out of that parking lot with all the paparazzi hanging around.


Of course the big news over the weekend:  Chelsea Clinton got married.  750,000 bucks for dinner!   Chelsea's husband and his family are Jewish so Bill's original idea to barbecue a pig was out.


On Friday night, they had a big rehearsal dinner.  Here's a newsflash:  Dinner is something Bill Clinton does not have to rehearse for.


The menu at the wedding banquet was gluten-free.  Bill thought he wasn't allowed to eat until Chelsea told him "GLUTEN free, Dad...not GLUTTON free."




As a security concern, President and Mrs. Obama were not invited to the wedding, but they did send a representative couple...you remember the Salahis.


Chelsea was a beautiful bride in her gown by Vera Wang.  Her father looked stunning in Oscar de la Renta, which covered his wang.


And one final note:  Two Russian cosmonauts completed a 7-hour walk in space.  They discovered that at zero gravity, vodka rises to the brain more quickly.




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