Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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Earlier in the week, it was reported that rapper Snoop Dogg was endorsing Ron Paul for president.   But now Snoop says it's all a mistake.  He thought he was endorsing RuPaul.

Mitt Romney has won the Florida presidential primary.  He picked up 50 delegates in Florida.  Then he drove them to the social security office, the grocery store, and then to their doctor appointments.

Romney beat Newt Gingrich overwhelmingly in Florida.  The only thing Gingrich had to say was, "Callista, we lost! So would you wipe that stupid smile off your face already!"


The Pfizer Company has recalled 1 million birth control pills because they may not prevent pregnancy.....kind of like the way Pfizer's lawyers won't be able to prevent 1 million lawsuits over the next 9 months.


In related news, the Vatican has named Pfizer Honorary Catholic of the Year.

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Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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Over the weekend, a woman in Iowa gave birth to a 13 pound baby.  By yesterday, the kid was already driving the family's John Deere tractor.

Sunday is Super Bowl 46.  Or as they call it in Rome, Super Bowl Exelveei.

 

Did you know that tomorrow, February 1st, is National Baked Alaska Day?  Except at the Palin house where it's National Half Baked Alaska Day.

Newt Gingrich says that if he becomes the GOP nominee, he will refuse to take part in a debate if the moderators are journalists.  Well, that eliminates all the networks except for Fox News.

In New York there's now a $250 fine for eating in the subway.  I wonder what you'd have to pay if you wanted some atmosphere.

.....thanks for reading!

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Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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The Indianapolis Colts fired head coach Jim Caldwell.  Boy, he earns his team the opportunity to have the very best draft choice and that's the thanks he gets.

A new study shows that obesity rates in this country have leveled off.  This must be why Hostess was forced to file for bankruptcy.  


Newt Gingrich has a new ad that criticizes Mitt Romney because he knows how to speak French.  Seems rather hypocritical for someone who goes shopping at Tiffany's and throws around the word carte blanche.


President Obama said today that he plans to boost U.S. tourism by speeding up visa processing.   Then he'll do the same with Mastercard and Discover.




President Obama was at Disney World today.  The line to see him was the shortest in the whole park.




In a poll released today, 52% say that the president has done very little or nothing.   Of course, those people are all unemployed and are doing very little or nothing.


President Obama has rejected the Keystone XL pipeline project.  He said he'd rather wait for the Keystone MMXII upgrade.




The Keystone pipeline could have created 10,000 jobs.  And those 10,000 people could have  eventually worked their way back to Mexico.


John McCain says he made the right decision when he chose Sarah Palin as his running mate.  Which obviously means that McCain didn't really want to be president.


In South Carolina, polls show Mitt Romney is leading the GOP pack with 37%.  Rick Perry is last with 4%.   By the way, those 4% who support him also think that he's Katy Perry's dad.


Burger King has been experimenting with delivery in some cities. But it may not be working out. Not that many customers have windows right next to their driveways.


........thanks for stopping by......your laughs and comments are always appreciated.

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Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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Yesterday was Martin Luther King Day....it's the one day we honor a man known for his marching but the postal carriers don't have to walk their routes.

 

I noticed the American Dairy Association honored Martin Luther King by running their old GOT MLK ads.

After their loss to the New York Giants on Sunday, the Green Bay Packers were booed by their own fans.  They were upset  because they didn't realize that the cheese on their heads had a January 15th expiration date.

Wbile campaigning on Saturday, a woman told Mitt Romney that she was broke so he reached into his pocket and gave her some cash.  The bills had his picture on them.

 

Romney felt so sorry for the woman that he gave her a job with his campaign.  Then he immediately fired her.  He said, "I enjoyed that."

 

Jon Huntsman has dropped out of the GOP presidential race.  He says he wants to write a memoir while people might still have a vague idea of who he is.

In LA, a woman was arrested after offering to trade sex for Chicken McNuggets.  I wonder if she wanted those super sized.

 

One of the oldest trees in the state of Florida has been destroyed by fire.  It would have been a much more interesting story if that tree in Florida had been destroyed by a raging blizzard.

In Egypt, archaeologists have unearthed an 1100 year old tomb of what is thought to have been a female singer.  Actually she was part of a group called The Mummies and the Papas.

 

...........thanks for reading!

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Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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New York Philharmonic conductor Alan Gilbert stopped a performance of Mahler's Ninth Symphony after an audience member's cell phone rang repeatedly.  Gilbert was really annoyed because the ring tone was also Mahler's Ninth Symphony and sounded a whole lot better than the Philharmonic.

In Washington, DC, Burger King now delivers.  Of course, the politicians in Washington have been delivering whoppers for years.

Can you imagine how long a Burger King delivery person will have to stand around and wait while John Boehner tries to figure out which congressman ordered what and how much they each owe?

There's talk that Lindsay Lohan will play Elizabeth Taylor in a new Lifetime Network movie.  The big difference there is that Liz's jewelry was paid for.

A tortoise that was thought to be extinct as far back as 150 years ago has reappeared.  And he came in second in the New Hampshire primary!

Wal-mart is now offering free tax advice in many of its stores.  That's surprising....you can barely get someone at Wal-mart to tell you which aisle the bread is in.

A study reports that America's obesity rate dropped last year.  Of course, the death rate among fat people rose last year.

300 Chinese workers gathered on a rooftop and threatened to jump if working conditions were not improved.   Their employer was not about to call their bluff.   To show his concern,  he stationed 300 other workers on the sidewalk below to help break their fall.




Did you know that Americans over 65 binge drink more than any other group?   It's the only way to get rid of that Metamucil after taste.




McDonald's is trying something in the United Kingdom next month.  The toy in a kids' Happy Meal will be replaced by a book.  Well, I guess if McDonald's wants to experiment in riot control, the UK is as good a place to start as any.




A new book about Mitt Romney will be out next week.  It's called "The Real Romney".   It's quite interesting....Mitt's life story ends halfway through the book, so then you flip it over and start reading the other half, which is the complete opposite of the first one.


..........thanks for reading!

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Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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A new study has determined that marijuana use does not harm lung function. It's just a good thing that pot smokers don't have to breathe through their brains.

Charlie Sheen says that he's not crazy anymore.  Charles Manson hasn't even tried that one!

Mitt Romney actually said that he enjoyed firing people.  Of course, we've already had a vice- president who enjoyed firing at people. 

Romney was the big winner yesterday in the New Hampshire primary.  Yeah, that's who I want determining the candidate for my party....a bunch of people in a bar, holding up their beer glasses and waving at MSNBC's cameras.

Why is the TV coverage for these caucus and primaries broadcast from a bar?  Has the Tea Party been replaced by the Beer Party?

Fidel Castro said that a robot would make a better president than Barack Obama.  Of course, in Cuba, robots still make better citizens.

Pope Benedict XVI is scheduled to visit Cuba in March.  Castro likes the pope.  He's not a robot, but he moves his head and arms like one.

During the Republican debate the other night, Jon Huntsman spoke Chinese.....and, quite frankly, he made just as much sense as the other candidates.

Mitt Romney said Huntsman wasn't being true to the Republican party because he served as President Obama's ambassador to China.  When Huntsman began speaking Chinese, Romney said, "See!  You even talk right to left!"

.......all for now........thanks for reading!

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Today's Jokes by Wendel Potter

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A musicians' lockout has brought a halt to the New York City opera season.  Apparently negotiations ended on a low note.

Congratulations to the Alabama Crimson Tide for their 21-0 win last night over LSU in the BCS Punt, Pass, and Kick Competition.

 
Rapper Snoop Dogg has been arrested after marijuana was found on his tour bus during a police search in Texas.  Snoop's execution has been scheduled for Monday.




Heading into today's New Hampshire primaries, one poll shows Mitt Romney leading by 31%, another poll has him at 19%.  Even Romney's poll numbers flip flop.


New Hampshire is known as the Granite State.  That means after today, most of the GOP candidates can start picking out a headstone.


According to a new study, children who have good school teachers end up earning a lot of money in their adult life.  That's because they learn not to become teachers.


President Obama's chief of staff, Bill Daley, abruptly resigned and headed back to Chicago.  The president said he would continue to call Mr. Daley for advice.....like, "When should I tell the movers to be here?"  


.....all for now....thanks for reading!

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